Friday, 24 June 2011 12:52
Tuesday, 21 June 2011 10:54
My life and relationship
Yes, I'm getting into blogging again. I was out of it just for a little bit.....okay maybe 2 months.
Lately I haven't been finding inspiration to blog, or any motivation really.
Just been gaming it up, on my computer. Got nothing to do, I have to much time on my hands.
Now that my boyfriend has a job, and really doesn't have time for us anymore.
My feeling have been going distant, I'm just sort of been trying to occupy myself,
other than missing him. It's been a real drag really, I've been thinking a lot about us.
I'm just so tired of trying to make it work. Maybe something will change, and it will get better.
Waking up this morning, next to Fluffy.
How I love to wake up to a smiling face, I just get a very warm feeling in my heart
Which made me believe, yes I'm still human, I can love another someday.
Less than that, I had to pack my clothing and head to my grandmothers' today.
It's Aboriginal Day, and the last day of high school. Summer break is almost here.
What does summer have in store for my friends and I?
Sunday, 19 June 2011 17:25
Don't Be So Foolish.
This isn’t the time for me to be exposing my feelings, but frankly I don’t care.
person a: I’m and utterly disgusted with you at the moment. Honestly I don’t even know about more about what might happen later on with us. If there even will be at this point anymore. I am watch you destroy your self slowly, all the parties, all the drugs, everything. Just stop. I want to say go back to the way you were, because when we talk I know it is still there. I see it in there you just hide behind everything so you feel nothing. It was better when you felt everything.
person b: I won’t stop talking to you no matter what. I can’t have anything happen to you because you think I’m your world and I just need a break from that. I don’t want you to go off and do something stupid like suicide. I know your personality better then anyone. I know you would do it. I know if i am not there for a second it would cross your mind. Remember I care for you so much. You have no idea what it is like to lose someone you care about. It is the worst feeling anyone could ever have, so if I am your world you wouldn’t go off any destroy it. As for you, express your self more. Tell people your feelings. Stop hiding it all inside. If you don’t get help I will get it for you. I won’t let you die.
Why can’t everything have no strings attached?
I have the sick feeling in my gut, do I let go, or do I move on. What the fuck is holding me back? should I just wait it out? I’m so lost and confused. Maybe these should be thoughts for another night, not tonight.
I have no idea what I’m doing anymore, it’s just being done. Summer break needs to come faster so I wont have nights like these. I shouldn’t avoid my problems anymore. I have to make decisions instead of always saying I don’t know what to do
Tuesday, 14 June 2011 22:52
Something I see every morning.
Monday, 13 June 2011 04:23
I honestly cried when I read this.
Hi, Mommy. I’m your baby. You don’t know me yet, I’m only a few
weeks old. You’re going to find out about me soon, though, I promise.
Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I’ve got
beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I
will when I’m born. I’m going to be your only child, and you’ll call me
your one and only. I’m going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we
have each other. We’ll help each other, and love each other. I want to
be a doctor when I grow up.
You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn’t
wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was
perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I
will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I
know it already.
Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about
me! …He wasn’t happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don’t think that
you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called
wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don’t think I understand
yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did
something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and
your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay… but I was very sad
for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That’s a sound I don’t like. It
doesn’t make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after,
and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I’m not sure if I
do. It wasn’t right. You say he loves you… why would he hurt you? I
don’t like it, Mommy.
Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and
you’re so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes,
and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most
beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I’m
happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait
and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will
make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.
I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your
hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love
Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting
funny and he wasn’t talking right. He said he didn’t want you. I don’t
know why, but that’s what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry,
Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won’t let you get hurt! I promise to
protect you. Daddy is bad. I don’t care if you think that he is a good
person, I think he’s bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn’t want
us. He doesn’t like me. Why doesn’t he like me, Mommy?
You didn’t talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?
It’s been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven’t talked to me or
touched me or anything since that. Don’t you still love me, Mommy? I
still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when
you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug
me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don’t you do
that when you’re awake, any more?
I’m 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren’t you proud of me? We’re going
somewhere today, and it’s somewhere new. I’m excited. It looks like a
hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell
you that? I hope you’re as excited as I am. I can’t wait.
…Mommy, I’m getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don’t
know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think
something’s going to happen soon. I’m really, really, really scared,
Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love
Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It
feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!
Don’t worry Mommy, I’m safe. I’m in heaven with the angels now. They
told me what you did, and they said it’s called an abortion.
Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don’t you love me any more? Why did you
get rid of me? I’m really, really, really sorry if I did something
wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why
don’t you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want
to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care
about me, and not talk to me. Didn’t I love you enough? Please say
you’ll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and
see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don’t want to be here, I
want you to love me again! I’m really really really sorry if I did
something wrong. I love you!
I love you, Mommy.
Every abortion is just…
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
If you’re against abortion, reblog.
Tuesday, 7 June 2011 19:02
The nicest people can turn into the biggest “bitches.”
You know why? It’s cause they’re sick of people walking all over them. They’re too nice to even stand up for themselves when someone insults them and all that shit. They’re called a ‘push over’ and when they’re tired of all that crap, they change, they start to stand up for themselves, they start to not take shit from anyone. Then they get called a ‘bitch.’ They’re not bitches for standing up for themselves.